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He Walk Among Us, But He's Not One Of Us

December 6, 2008

What The Hell Was That??

seriesly, what the hell? whes relly into me..i noe it becuz i can feel it..its all bout insticnt..n my lil' heart said that shes into me..n shes kinda sweet, caring, SINGLE (this one is for sure), cute sepet eyes n well dress, open minded n many more great qualities.. why on earth did i ditched her away..practically Crystal helped out on to inroduce me to her..we hang out n we click on many differents level..shes oepn with my smoking probs.. but the most important things SHES INTO ME.. n shes ask me out..to go on the date..watch a movie,just two of us..single guy n gurl going out on the weekend..perfect timing to get hit..why? why? why? why im blur,stupid enuff,mangkuk enuff, bangang enuff to said that.. when she asked me out, why i said "sorry im taken".. im totally fucking single..i can date anyone..why did i said that?

FUCK
FUCK
FUCK
FUCK..

u miss that shot adam..u really miss the shot..shes really wants u..its shows..she looked very suprise n dissapointed when u said that..im so screw this time..opportuniy like like wont swing by easy..Crystal clearly wont help me again on mactthing me with anyone again..silly move.

December 5, 2008

Aku Koyak Dan Buang Gambaq Kami Berdua Dalam Laut 3 hari Lepas kami Break

aku pun xtaw sebab pa aku wat.rasa mcm bodoh r plak.tapi aku dah wat nk wat cmna..mmg agak kebodohan or KEBABIAN bak kata adikku aimi..nk kata aku frust menonggeng lepaih kami break up tuh xdak r plak..ciap ble kata "YES..IM FREE AT LAST LAGI"..pastu ble plak pi celebrate karoke lg..peh..nyanyi plak lagu Andai Dapat Ku Undurkan Masa- AXL (betui ke tajuk dia ni??!!)..lagu bajet jiwang..ha2..aku nyanyi ciap tergelak2 lagi mua.. pastu ngn makan kat McD tgh2 malam..sepbek Akram ada teman aku..ha3..so? aku frust ke? xdak r..maybe time atas feri tuh time aku tgh shiok2 layan prasaan ambik feel angin laut tringat plak gambaq aku ngn nabila ada dalam wallet aku..pa lagi.aku ambik bawak klauq usha dulu buat kali terakhir pastu koyak tang muka dia muka aku aku jaga leklok r..pastu buang dlm laut..hahaha..Klise' kan? ntah ar..aku pun xtaw..tapi yg pasti im already get over her..the moment after i finish my break up meal at McD..ha3..maybe sebab tim etuh feeling kowt..hahaha..biaq r..benda dah wat..ha3





p/s-ni gambaq tuh..he3

December 4, 2008

Secebis Pandangan

kadang2 kesukaran mengajar kita untuk melihat dengan terang dalam kegelapan,
kadang2 keperitan mengentalkan jiwa untuk terus berjuang,
kadang2 kesukaran mengukuhkan apa yg rapuh untuk teguh melangkah
kadang2 kealpaan membawa padah yg durjana..

+++++

Ya, kita semua manusia biasa..alasan yang amat tipikal untuk digunakan pasa saat kesilapan dilakukan..tapi jika ber ulang2 kali, lemau benar rasanya untuk ditelan dengan hati yang membara..

++++

Sekilas pandang, kita terlepas menangkap hati2 yang terluka dengan sifat kita yang selama ini disangkakan ideal dan disukai ramai..kita patut lebih tahu bintang yang sirna lebih terang itulah bintang yang paling mudah untuk tersungkur dan membelah awan lalu mencium muka bumi..namun, kita tetap dengan ego kita untuk keraskan kepala, pekakkan telinga dan butakan mata..sampai bila?

++++

keadaan memaksa, tapi pilihan ditangan kita..keputusan yang berburu bakal diakhiri dengan penyesalan yang tiada berbelah bagi..pilihan dibuat harus dengan minda yang stabil..namun kita terlalu mentah untuk memerangi semua ni..apakan daya..

++++

pasangan kekasih molek bersama,
hati bertemu mata bersua
curang hatinya tiada di duga,
penyesalan ini pengajaran buat semua

++++

pernah terfikir untuk melarikan diri, tapi ke mana hendak dituju? mampukah kita hidup di atas bumi yang nyata tanpa sebarang perlindungan dari org yg tercinta? mampukah kita tidur lena dibuai mimpi enak dikala kesejukan menusuk tulang semasa menumpang alas di kaki lima? senangkah jika kita mahu hidup atas daya usaha sendiri? mampukah? jangan buat keputusan yang bodoh..fikir positif dan negatif keputusan yang bakal diluahkan..penyesalan tiada penghujung menanti atau hidup bahagia dibuai mimpi.

tagged lg..dr Shank..

Senaraikan 8 perkara rawak tentang anda kemudian tag 8 orang.

1) well, satu benda yg plek tentang diri aku yg korang suma patot taw ialah aku amat tidak teramat suka aka benci aka meluat aka FUCK aka suma curse2 words yg ada dengan sayuq..veggies..yup..aku ni karnivor..aku makan daging ja.aku langsung xmakan sayuq.sama ngan dua sis aku yg len..dalam family aku mak hanya mummy ngan abah aku ja yang makan sayuq..kami 3 x..aku xtaw pasai pa..dalam pala otak aku kalau makna sayauq tuh macam makan rumput, makan rumput macam menatang r plak..dulu time kecik2 mak aku slalu paksa suro makan sayuq but time aku form 1 aku masuk Penang Free Skool and duduk hostel so mak aku xble control aku makan sayuq ke x dah..hahaha

2) FUCK kasut..aku xsuka pakai kasut..bukan la xsuka macam xsuka makan sayuq tuh, kalau terpaksa aku pakai r.kalu sayuq tuh terpaksa pun xmakan..kalau tanya aku ada brapa pasang kasut jawapan aku sepasang ja.kasut kulit..kasut yg aku terpaksa beli sebab UiTM ada rules tiap ari Senin ari koperat or KEPARAT yg memaksa suma student untu berpakaian formal pada hari tersebut..tapi len2 hari jangan harap r aku nk pakai kasut..aku pakai slipar ja xpun sandal aku..

3) benda ni ble suma benda yg kita xsuka x? kira ble ja ya la... aku xsuka baju kolar..FUCK GAK..tapi benda tuh jadik probs sebab clash ngn rules UiTM skali lagi..UiTM requires all thh student to wear a collar t-shirts..skali lagi FUCK..betui,series aku memang xberkenan langsung ngnn baju berkolar..sblom aku nk register masuk UiTM sem lepaih dekat rm1000 aku abih spent beli baju berkolar sebab aku selai pun xdak, nk masuk U cmna..huh..bazir ja..suma warga2 UiTM Kedah tolong vote akuu nanti..aku nk bertanding jdk MPP..n aku akan cadangkan kat mak leha supaya lupuskan peraturan baju berkolar ngn kasut tuh..ok?

4)lagi benda yg korang perlu gtaw pasai aku ialah akuu ni keras pala gila2 babi.huh..leteynya tulih..xpayah eleberate la ek..paham2 r sendri..

5)aku xsuka org kata aku salah kalau aku betui..aku akan fight sampai mati..seriesly..baca entry SESIAPA YANG BERKENAAN utk closure yg lebih dekat..

6)aku ada dua personaliti yg berbeda.satu yang ala bastard, asshole,a dick suma yg jahat2 ala2 notty2 xkesah masa depan, ala azam bin zakaria r senang kita.n seken personaliti aku ialah ala caring, lovely, romantic, sweet, willing to die for sumone...kdg2 dua2 personaliti tuh kluaq skali kat sumon eyg spesel jew..so, kalu kdg2 korang tgk aku mcm setan n jap pastu jdk bek plak, paham2 r.sebab tuh kawan2 aku suma ada terbahagi duakelompok..yg baik n yg sampah..n sebab tuh aku ble click ngn apa macam jenis org pun..suma aku ble wat kawan

7) kalaulah terjadi satu hari nanti suma org dalam dunia ni mati n im the soul survivor, aku rasa aku ble hidup..sebab kadang2 aku suka been lonely, tanpa gangguan sesiapa, tanpa gelak ketawa kawan2, tanpa crita2 yg melucukan n kadang2 aku perlu untuk memberi masa untuk diri aku sendri.aku suka kesunyian..n sumtimes i juts need a break.sebab tuh kadang2 kalu kat hostel asram aku dulu or even kat campus aku pun sumtimes kalu dah lama sgt aku dok kat san aku akan balik umah..bkn untuk jumpa familu.aku hany dok dlm bilik sorang diri,meyendirikan diri.

8)aku suka ckp sorang2..well,sebab tuh aku ckap aku ble idup sorang tanpa orang..sebab aku sendri akan menjadi peneman diri sendri..aku juga yg kadang mengajaq diri sendri utk membuat jahat..aku juga yg membawa diri aku sendri kejalan kebenaran n keinsafan..bukan org len..aku hanya akan dengaq cakap aku saja..aku xkan dengaq turut perintah sapa2..ada org penah question, "abih ang wat gak apa2 yg mak ang suro wat walaupun ang xsuka?".. ya, mmg aku xsuka..tapi mak aku suro aku xbaek melawan n aku memujuk diri aku supaya menerima arahan mak aku..so technically aku snedri yg mau buat benda tuh..so, aku dengaq ckp diri aku sendri..bukan mak aku...

p/s-nk tagged hanna-J jew..len suma dah kena tagged dah..

December 2, 2008

Not Again....

Dear God, please help me...let me get through this.i cant stand it anymore..i try my best to keep my heart secure, to block it from been hurt by anyone, please just let this time its just another addiction of love..not the real love..no..no..no.. i cant fall in love..not again..not in this time period..no, this is not happening..please...let me out from this love curse dat just make me fall for anyone that close to me..please..too much heart been broke...too time bee sacrifice...i need a break..really really need a break.plus, it just been two week since i broke someone heart..not mention mine been broke too..now it is not a perfect timing for "Fall For You-Secondhand Serenade"..i dunno whats the things that make her tick..make my tick even faster..she just sharing a lil' secret..dats all..nothing more.maybe shes think that i can be trust..well, its obvious no one around there that can be trusted so she choose me..nothing more..Adam Ar-Rashid, u need to get over this..right now..let it go now..fly free n rip out the sky in blue.. be single..dun attach to any relation bond that only gonna make u fragile,again..n this relation its for sure gonna go down hard..no more long distance love, its not gonna work..keep u head in the game..be a bastard..for this case give urself an exception..sorry, i guess i cant fall in love with u..actually i shouldnt..no its got nothing to do with our different religion (for god sake i come from mixture marriage family, i should know better).. i do like u..but i cant risk our newly-re-attach frenship at stake..i really like u..as a friend.thats what u will u always be in my heart..i will try, god know that i will try to keep it that way...

December 1, 2008

Sharing Is Helping

Some, with fully egotic attitude will never let their heart open for sharing anything that they feel inside of them..they'll just let it through n fight it all by themself..loneliness,pain n misery is their besties all the time, caring,loving n shring is the common enemy day by day..hard to get,a Dick, an Ass, stupid lil' bastard..ya thats this the titles description that can be conclude to these type of people.never care, full of fake smiling n brutally judge by its leads that only gonna eat them alive piece by piece...

no doubt, i was one of them..ya, 100% sure..pure hardness covering my heart form being expose freely to mortal connection with any kinds.yes, it kill me by facing the non-angelic curse all by myself..waiting to break, hoping to survive..willing to sacrifices ones body, counting on any helping hand that want to help..but it a fucking experience..the pain,the pressure cannot be held my ones heart..it will break loose..its will get into the mind n spreads the disease of unpleasantness...that was what i am before..

now, as i started to care n share, the pain n misery heals little by little..slowly, the disease cured inch by inch...yes, sharing the pain will get in removed,slowly..still, i have to face the demon on my own but not all of it..some, i can let it go by giving the chance for somebody to feel it once, the try to seize it once, to be in my shoe..it helps..truely..n now i can wake up tommorow, facing the challenge,strut it down to the bottom of life,strong as never..all it takes, it just some pity willingness..willingness that already there,waiting for me to take it n used in as pain-healer..god i wish i done it long time ago so that i wont be as damn bitch as i am.all it cost, is my ego shield to be turn off for the right person.the person that we trust to share the tiny amount of weight that we carried on our shoulder for god know when..it help, even a little..

but remember, it has its cost..sharing to the wrong person might make it all become more complex than ever..might turn out worsen..suffering will be having an extra crunchy reinforcement.our dark world will become darken as more just because of the simple mistakes of choosing the right person.so are we ready to make that call? to choose to share? to choose to another problematic add-on that we shouldnt make? but if it is a right one, its worthless..if is a wrong one, there a price to pay..hell of a price..still, its a damn good risk that we should take because before its get heavier its enlighten it out first before our life turn deeper..as for me, i know i make a clear as a blue sky judgement call.i know i make a right choice..i truly know

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